Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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