What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
