Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
