Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
