I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
