If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
