Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
