I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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