He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
