You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
