Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
