just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
