I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
