i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
