my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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