happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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