I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
