I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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