I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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