smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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