i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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