Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
a search helicopter?!
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
