About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
