He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
