Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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