I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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