This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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