fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
