I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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