she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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