I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
