I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
