I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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