It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
