Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
