Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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