You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
