Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
do herpes really smell.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
