I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
