im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
