How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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