That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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