Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
