you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
