things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
