dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
