No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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