had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
