Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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