If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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