I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
